Really......

"I hope all is going well".

How the hell can anything be going well when I still don't have employment since April? How the hell can anything be going well when he is not paying, with his promise to me to do so when I signed that damn dotted line in 2001, on a consolidated student loan, He demanded we consolidate with his and my student loans - "To thank you for supporting me while I went to school and you worked while I didn't. It is what I should do to repay you for all of that." I was too afraid not to sign due to his prior violence. Said loan being over $200K now. He now has his Bachelor's degree while all I have is an Associate degree that I struggled to get while he was not working - reason I had to take out loans in the first place, on top of working myself.

Struggling, but have not lost my Faith!

Much has happened since my last post from summer, 2012. Too much to write all in one post now. Prominently weighing heavy on my heart today: three years ago today, I lost my mother to cancer/stroke. Since that day, my life has not been the same. I struggle with losing her daily. Depression weighs heavy though I must carry on with my life. It is exacerbated by now not having her, or my father. Orphaned at the age of 44. I am now 47 and it is, for some reason, not getting easier. Dad was 46, Mom 65. Today, I am also seeking new employment. In October, 2015, I was notified that my position is being eliminated due to the 3rd party vendor coming in early in 2015, that would now be doing the majority of my current work. Therefore, my experience/loyalty for the past 10 years will no longer be needed/appreciated. Separation date is set for March 31, 2016. I have had a couple of interviews and have another Thursday. I pray one comes to fruition soon. The first interview could have resulted in an offer, however they could not come close to my minimum salary requirement. I could not afford to take a $10,000 cut in pay to accept that position! I have a daughter graduating from college in May, and those co-signed loans will be coming due quickly!

Through all of this, and despite the depression, I cling to my faith. I have hope that my Father, who art in Heaven, will pick me up as He always has, and rescue me from these recent blows. He has never failed me, and I know He will not this time either. I pray I walk through the right door, the one He wants me to walk through. The door that will finally lead to a bigger breakthrough in my finances. I pray that I would use that breakthrough in finances wisely, not foolishly. Very heavy financial burdens that have been lingering since before my divorce (finalized nearly 13 years ago) need to be resolved.