Friday, November 5, 2010
In Retrospect
Attended an event this evening that provokes my thoughts and desperation to continue pursuing my purpose in this life. Not only what that purpose is but to dig deep and look at my own life to figure out who I am in this journey...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Book Progress
When I divorced my abusive husband and moved out of state, I put myself in another relationship, not knowing that too would sour. At least I did not stay in that one as long. I rededicated my life to Jesus during that period and my eyes were opened much quicker to the verbal abuse, no matter how subtle, I was under.
I must say that in church two Sudays ago, I did realise again how much I contributed to these unhealthy environments and how my soul was suffering, and how much more it would suffer, if I did not work on getting out of the victim mentality further. I must use the Word to fight any strongholds the enemy still tries to put on me. The devil has been defeated and has no right to come and put me back in that victim mentality. I do consider myself a survivor while still acknowldeging that it takes two to mess up any relationship. I was "allowing" the abuse, though at times it really felt I had no choice but to take it and not stand up against it rather than get it worse.
I forgive both of these men and pray for their salvation. Not an easy task some days, however if I am to be in God's will that is what I must do.
Anyway, after I left the second relationship, I was prophesied over and it has been confirmed since that I would write a book, or books. So, as I started a few years ago and have not done anything recently, one of my friends inquired as to whether I was writing that book. I had to say lately I had not been doing anything with it.
I saw an email from one of the local churches I receive email from that had a link to a bookstore on-line. I decided to go to it and ended up purchasing three books that will serve as a good reference to get back in the swing. I received two and one is on backorder. Can't wait to get the backordered one as that is the one I want most! of course!
1. 10 Lies the Church Tells Women
2. Prophetic Scriptures Yet to be Fulfilled
3. Write to Ignite (backordered)
I started browsing through "10 Lies the Church Tells Women" because there is a chapter on domestic violence, which I am to write on.
Malachi 2:16 (NKJV) reads "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce". This unfortunately becomes a trap if that is the only scripture being used to justify a woman not getting a divorce. However, the next verse, Malachi 2:17 (NIV) states "And I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment." A man is permitted to divorce his wife if she is promiscuous. Why then can't a women divorce a man who is hurting her and/or endangering her life?
In my book, I want to relay my testimony of how God took me from my marriage and has blessed me since. I am in a much better place and am not being punished by God for leaving my abuser. Rather, I am being blessed beyond what I would have ever thought possible. God is my Almighty Father and I will trust Him with my life as He has saved it from certain death. He is not finished with me and I will not fail Him. I will give Him the Glory with what He expects from me.
I must say that in church two Sudays ago, I did realise again how much I contributed to these unhealthy environments and how my soul was suffering, and how much more it would suffer, if I did not work on getting out of the victim mentality further. I must use the Word to fight any strongholds the enemy still tries to put on me. The devil has been defeated and has no right to come and put me back in that victim mentality. I do consider myself a survivor while still acknowldeging that it takes two to mess up any relationship. I was "allowing" the abuse, though at times it really felt I had no choice but to take it and not stand up against it rather than get it worse.
I forgive both of these men and pray for their salvation. Not an easy task some days, however if I am to be in God's will that is what I must do.
Anyway, after I left the second relationship, I was prophesied over and it has been confirmed since that I would write a book, or books. So, as I started a few years ago and have not done anything recently, one of my friends inquired as to whether I was writing that book. I had to say lately I had not been doing anything with it.
I saw an email from one of the local churches I receive email from that had a link to a bookstore on-line. I decided to go to it and ended up purchasing three books that will serve as a good reference to get back in the swing. I received two and one is on backorder. Can't wait to get the backordered one as that is the one I want most! of course!
1. 10 Lies the Church Tells Women
2. Prophetic Scriptures Yet to be Fulfilled
3. Write to Ignite (backordered)
I started browsing through "10 Lies the Church Tells Women" because there is a chapter on domestic violence, which I am to write on.
Malachi 2:16 (NKJV) reads "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce". This unfortunately becomes a trap if that is the only scripture being used to justify a woman not getting a divorce. However, the next verse, Malachi 2:17 (NIV) states "And I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment." A man is permitted to divorce his wife if she is promiscuous. Why then can't a women divorce a man who is hurting her and/or endangering her life?
In my book, I want to relay my testimony of how God took me from my marriage and has blessed me since. I am in a much better place and am not being punished by God for leaving my abuser. Rather, I am being blessed beyond what I would have ever thought possible. God is my Almighty Father and I will trust Him with my life as He has saved it from certain death. He is not finished with me and I will not fail Him. I will give Him the Glory with what He expects from me.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Recent Writings
OVERCOMING
Pounded to the ground
with words crushing to the soul
covered with dirt & rocks
left to die
Out of the darkness
seeking the light through the cracks
little rays to follow that light
Back to the surface
strength from within, not of my own
broke the surface to breathe again
flower again & shine forth
Sharing the light
with the broken and wounded
who still live in darkness
yet hunger for The Light.
- Renee, 2010
LISTEN
Do you hear it?
The rustle of the leaves...
The trickle of the creek...
The crackle of the wood...
The air we breathe
The water we drink
The fire we use for heat
Breathe Fresh Air
Drink of the Living Water
Allow the Fire of God to consume you!
- Renee, 2010
Pounded to the ground
with words crushing to the soul
covered with dirt & rocks
left to die
Out of the darkness
seeking the light through the cracks
little rays to follow that light
Back to the surface
strength from within, not of my own
broke the surface to breathe again
flower again & shine forth
Sharing the light
with the broken and wounded
who still live in darkness
yet hunger for The Light.
- Renee, 2010
LISTEN
Do you hear it?
The rustle of the leaves...
The trickle of the creek...
The crackle of the wood...
The air we breathe
The water we drink
The fire we use for heat
Breathe Fresh Air
Drink of the Living Water
Allow the Fire of God to consume you!
- Renee, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Happy for my Daughter...Sad that I cannot be there...
Due to my divorce and the circumstances from it, I have not seen my eldest daughter for 7 years. I know she is graduating with an Associate's Degree today and moving on to a 4-year school. I can only hope that she knows that I love her as her father tries drilling into her head that I don't. Just because I am not there does not mean that I love her any less. I am there in Spirit. I ask the Lord to light a fire in her heart and not allow it to dim. Let her see You for who You are. An all powerful, awesome, and loving Father. Her earthly father can never compare to the love You provide. I am regretfully not attending her graduation ceremonies as I do not want to run into her father. He verbally and physically abused me for far too long and continues to try doing so verbally through my mother. Telling my mother to tell me things while insulting and throwing guilt with it.
I am better than his abuse. I do not deserve to be bullied, harassed, or guilted. I did what I had to do and have hope that my relationship with my daughter will be reunited. God promises restoration. I however do not want restoration with my girls' father. I never want to see him again. I want the ties severed. I never asked for the girls to not see one or the other parent. Due to the circumstances, that is what has happened. The older doesn't see me though she could if she wanted, and the younger doesn't see him due to court order, nor do they see, or talk to, each other. Sad.
Marriage is to be a sacred unification between a man and woman and last forever. I only pray that the young girls that are preparing to accept marriage proposals today will look to God before saying "yes" to the man proposing to them. God-centeredness is so needed in a marriage. God in the center keeps things balanced. God does not prevent strife, but He does help to resolve it, or lessen the burden from it.
Seeking God first prior to any decision is important, not just marriage. His will is power. His will pushes us to our destiny and purpose in this life. To bring forth His glory on this Earth and bring Heaven down to meet it.
I love you Sarah Elizabeth, my precious first-born daughter, whatever you might be doing. I am proud of you for what you have accomplished and proud to know that you are pursuing an education and career. I only pray for the best in your life. I miss you and love you more than you will ever know. The door is always open and when you decide to walk through it, I will be on the other side with arms open wide to embrace you in love.
Sarah Elizabeth = Princess consecrated to God. His protection over you forever and ever. Amen
I am better than his abuse. I do not deserve to be bullied, harassed, or guilted. I did what I had to do and have hope that my relationship with my daughter will be reunited. God promises restoration. I however do not want restoration with my girls' father. I never want to see him again. I want the ties severed. I never asked for the girls to not see one or the other parent. Due to the circumstances, that is what has happened. The older doesn't see me though she could if she wanted, and the younger doesn't see him due to court order, nor do they see, or talk to, each other. Sad.
Marriage is to be a sacred unification between a man and woman and last forever. I only pray that the young girls that are preparing to accept marriage proposals today will look to God before saying "yes" to the man proposing to them. God-centeredness is so needed in a marriage. God in the center keeps things balanced. God does not prevent strife, but He does help to resolve it, or lessen the burden from it.
Seeking God first prior to any decision is important, not just marriage. His will is power. His will pushes us to our destiny and purpose in this life. To bring forth His glory on this Earth and bring Heaven down to meet it.
I love you Sarah Elizabeth, my precious first-born daughter, whatever you might be doing. I am proud of you for what you have accomplished and proud to know that you are pursuing an education and career. I only pray for the best in your life. I miss you and love you more than you will ever know. The door is always open and when you decide to walk through it, I will be on the other side with arms open wide to embrace you in love.
Sarah Elizabeth = Princess consecrated to God. His protection over you forever and ever. Amen
Friday, March 19, 2010
Gifts
The many gifts bestowed on my life.
- jewelry making skills
- artistry
- drawing
- writing
- listening skills
- eye for color
- having daughters
- photography skills
Thursday, March 18, 2010
What this will be...
Needed to find a place to write about the journeys I have had with my Father, and those to come. So, a memoir combined with anticipation of the future. Memories of times He has rescued me from certain death. Some will be past, some present, some musings of what He has in store based on biblical promises. Whatever I have on my heart the day I write.
This is not about journeys with my earth father, though I certainly miss him (and most likely he will make his way into this as he has also been a huge part of my life), but focusing on my Father, God the Creator. He has been in my life before I ever breathed my first breath, and will be there when I am living in eternity forever and ever. I worship Him with all I am. For if it were not for Him, I would cease to exist.
So, even if noone else reads this, I will have recorded my thoughts for my Father to read and He will be happy.
This is not about journeys with my earth father, though I certainly miss him (and most likely he will make his way into this as he has also been a huge part of my life), but focusing on my Father, God the Creator. He has been in my life before I ever breathed my first breath, and will be there when I am living in eternity forever and ever. I worship Him with all I am. For if it were not for Him, I would cease to exist.
So, even if noone else reads this, I will have recorded my thoughts for my Father to read and He will be happy.
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